Date #200 - "Ick"

Disclaimer: My dear reader, I have some stories with parts that are going to shock you, especially if you haven't been single in a year that starts with a 2.

Clutch your pearls. I met this man at his house.

Before you raise that eyebrow at me, it was a second date and I constantly have my location shared with two of my friends and reached out to them with our destination and told him I was checking in with them throughout the night.

After a pretty bleh first date, I decided to try to stay open minded for the 2nd. Ick was a tallboy and after all, my biggest physical turn on is height. He was 6'5". Those men are so rare. Ugh. And he had fantastic hair, a house, a job with regular overtime for 2 decades!

But then... he turned from box checking to ewww as soon as he said "Haunted House Actor". I find zero entertainment in horror films or paying to be frightened. I respect that other people do, I am just not one of those people. This being such a large part of his hobbies and weekends for how many more spooky seasons? I want to genuinely support and respect my partner and their passions but I wouldn't be genuine if I tried to express interest in it. Eek.

I looked up his house on Google beforehand too. It looked like he likely kept the house in the divorce. It was a pretty average family home. I took a deep breath when I pulled up to his house. His yard stuck out against the other well-manicured lawns. The grass was probably about a foot high. All the curtains were drawn.

I texted my two friends that we were going across town to a riverside restaurant. It took 50 music-free minutes to get there. We(He) talked about his Haunted House employment passionately, with a real love for frightening people, but it felt like a pretty immature perspective for a 43 year old man. Ick was a safe driver, no complaints other than the lack of tunes, but I'm sure if I had requested some music, he would have turned something.

At the restaraunt, we got seats with a truly great river view! We both ordered coctails and salads. I ate and drank everything I ordered and all was well. Conversation was flowing better, but it could be that we both had two coctails that supported that improvement.

Back at his place, we played a couple card games. He kept trying to make out. At the end of the evening when I said I was going to go, he tried to convince me to stay over with the lure of a comfortable bed. Nah, I'm good- I have my king size bed waiting for me in my clean and comfortable apartment surrounded by nice smelling girly things. Here, I can't tell what is lurking in a dark corner but I'm going to hope that what I saw were just costumes for his side gig...

When we were kissing goodbye he started bringing his right hand up under my shirt towards my boob. I squeezed my arm down and blocked his admittance, yet continued kissing. As in, "No admittance, but I'm ok with kissing." But Ick wasn't done trying. He attempted the same strategy on the other side, matched with the same defense.

Apparently that wasn't obvious enough, because when he tried from the front and I blocked him a THIRD time, he says, "No?".

"No." Then he tried to convince me to stay again. I left.

A couple days later, I sent a respectful and appropriate break up text, but I was faced with a hurt person intending on hurting people:

Me: I'm sorry, I need to be transparent and let you know that I'm not really feeling like we are a good match. But I really wish you the best!

Ick: I was telling a coworker I was expecting this text today. Ever since you went to your friend's party you're different. I suspect you met another guy there or online.

Me: I did not meet another guy. I felt unsafe with you pressuring me to go further with you physically. I needed time to reflect about it.

Ick: I only went as far as you would go. When you set a boundary I didn't cross it.

Me: That is accurate. But I felt pressured.

Ick: I'm calling bs on the unsafe pressure part. I make my intentions known. Yes I want to be physical. But I also spend plenty of time getting to know you and connecting. It's called balance. Please recognize the whole and not just the part.

Me: My feelings are my feelings, not up for debate. You could apologize for your date feeling unsafe. And maybe agree to disagree on the perception.

Ick: I didn't say your feelings weren't feelings. But the truth is the truth. That doesn't change.

Me: Peace.

Ick: Don't lecture me on pressure, unsafe, or anything like that. I ACTUALLY was the victim of way more than that. In my own home. So already an expert. No peace out. Don't insult me and expect that.

Me: I think it's best we stop communicating now. Best wishes.

Ick: Don't worry I'm blocking you. Please include yourself in the unhealed dating app group.

He didn't need to say that back to me. He wanted to blame our downfall on me finding another guy, not that it could possibly be based off our interaction and the icks he gave me.

Thank you, next. Deep breath. In-out.